“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”
In Dr. Gary Chapmans book called, The Five Love Languages, he talks about how every human has five main ways they both give and receive love, also called, “Love Languages. ” The Five Love Languages of human beings are: Acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts (giving or receiving) and physical touch. Our children have an invisible tank, or " Love Tank," that can either be filled, partially filled, or empty based on how much we are contributing to their specific Love Langauge. In relation to children, if a child’s love tank is empty, that child will not receive correction and guidance in the same way as if their love tanks were to be filled. Love has a way of being a cushion for correction and discipline.
It goes without saying that we live in a time and culture where immediate gratification is highly sought after. Food can be ordered and delivered within seconds, transportation can be arranged and arrive within moments of pressing a button and technology allows us to be more connected than ever from most parts of the world.
Parenting in a manner that is deeply healthy emotionally and mentally is unfortunately not as quick and easy. As parents we sometimes want the same fast results when it comes to our children’s behavior. It is critical for us to put our first attention on the relational aspect of parenting vs the behavioral aspect. I must admit it is natural to gravitate towards the behavior of a child since that is what we face every moment we are with them. Their behavior can be embarrassing, frustrating and downright difficult. As a single father of four I found myself easily focusing on behavior since I was majorly outnumbered. The problem was in spite of my best efforts to influence them to make better choices because my focus was mainly on behavior I didn’t get very far. They were left often times just feeling like they were bad in some kind of way.
I changed my tactic and decided to focus on my relationship with them. Paying attention to their specific Love Language, checking in to see what their love tanks were on, and asking for their feedback on how I was doing as a parent and where I could improve. Amazing things happen when children feel as though they have a voice that will be heard and validated. I began to ask questions like: How well do they feel I care about what’s important to them ? How am I speaking to them with my tone and words? How much am I intentionally investing into their love tanks ? I found they wanted to obey. My focus changed from behavior to relationship and it made a powerful impact. Children will always make mistakes, that’s a part of life. But I discovered that rules without relationship will certainly lead to rebellion.
As your coach, I will guide you in setting up a relationship structure to connect with your child/children to ensure their love tanks are full as best to your ability. I will also lead you into creating a healthy discipline structure for holding your child/children accountable. I will
Our children are the future. Their feelings, thoughts and opinions matter. They deserve to have a happy and healthy childhood. It starts with you, mom and dad.
The best place to start is with yourself!
As a single father, I can empathize and understand the extreme challenges facing so many single parents today. Life slows down for no one! In spite of all this, those of us who have been chosen to care for these precious lives must take this role seriously. What we do (or don’t do) as parents today have life-long implications on our children tomorrow. How we speak, interact, reprimand and love these precious souls will greatly impact the type of adults we have in the future. What an incredible responsibility!
As parents, we want what is best for our kids. The method by which we go about it may not always be the most effective. Children thrive with structure and often times, as single parents, it feels as if there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything accomplished.